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Christian Cook

That's him there.

If you had Christian's 'To do' list in front of you then you would clearly see that 'Updating' was not the number one priority. In fact, if you did have his 'to do' list in front of you then he would be very pleased, as he could then accuse you of stealing it and have the perfect excuse for not completing any of the tasks upon it.

As it is, the current number one priority is 'Finish writing your third novel - Nix Ex Machina' - which is easily the funniest novel ever written by anyone named Christian Charles Cook. This has been priority number one since 2003.

In all that time, Christian has become quite adept at 'finding other things to do' to the point that he is now a master craftsman in the fine art of priority avoidance.

And in this effort his creative imagination really comes into its own. Rather than complete his latest literary effort he is far more concerned with such critical schemes as monitoring the seasonal migration paths of plastic bath ducks and attempting to sell snow to Eskimos by e-commerce.

But even when such grandiose campaigns of utter futility are not engaging his rather blurry style of focused effort, then he is quite content to sit for many hours in his large black thinking chair, pondering the many ways in which you can prevent gerbils from invading your home.

Currently he has got it into his head that he is some sort of photographer and so has begun selling art print posters.

But this might not go on indefinitely. There may well come a time when the camera is temporarily put aside in order for more important tasks... especially when you consider that shrews are far smaller than their gerbil cousins and so a house that has been declared 'Gerbil-secure' may not withstand the invasive efforts of a cunning pygmy shrew. Plotting every Shrew-vulnerable entry point could take many months.

In the distant future, 'Nix Ex Machina' may well get finished. Until then, you are invited to wander round this site until you get bored... and keep an eye out for shrews.


Sleep Dictionary


What does it mean to dream about bald celebrities regaining hair? What does it mean to dream about being naked in public?

Do you know what the position you sleep in can reveal about your hidden self?

And what happens when dream goes wrong and how do you deal with recurring nightmares?

The answers to all these questions and many other you also weren't thinking about are now available at - unique dream interpretation.

Language Foundry


Language Foundry is the place where words get heated... and then biffed about with hammers and other big metal things.

What is comedy and what actually makes something funny?

Analysis of language and writing, including an 8-part guide to creative writing that will help any up and coming novelists hone their skills and gain an appreciation for the craft of writing.


If you have missed sleep by lying awake at night, wondering whatever became of that odd company that sold snow to the Eskimos and made millions in the process, only to suddenly disappear overnight, then stop wondering.

Christian Cook has been researching the troubled history of and will be publishing a full report on what went wrong and where the key players are now.

In the meantime, anyone with a keen interest in the international snow sales industry should pay a visit to where you can read more information about the company and find out how you can play a part in rebuilding the company to its former glory.

Read about the missing staff, learn the lingo, take a virtual tour around the snow processing plant at Allington Point and even buy exclusive regulation clothing to look the part when selling snow to the Eskimos.